~TAKE IT EASY, LOVE NOTHING~

fuck
im just sitting here at school looking through the glass window
leaning back in my steel framed and cheaply padded chair
staring at sky as the clouds
collect and combine
i sometimes think im already experiencing an early life crisis
i feel sooo fuckin alone sometimes
well alot of the time
friday i closed at american eagle
theres sooo many lame ass people that walk through
those doors
they think that they are the shit cause they buy a 30 dollar
t shirt
it sometimes makes me sick that i have to fake a ridiculous smile
and tell them they look "amazing" when in fact they are nothing more
than the last dumbfuck that walked in 2 minutes ago
i got off work
joseph was out waiting for me
i starting feeling intensely depressed
and i told him i felt that way for an unknown reason
he said he was sorry and we should go eat
we went to tgif
how ironic since it was a friday
and all i wanted to thank god for was for friday to be over
saturday i worked
joseph came over and i drank wine and we watched brokeback
we layed in bed and he passed out on my shoulder
as i cried to the sad parts
trying not to wake him
we tossed and turned
took of our clothes
and he ended up spending the night
i woke up at 6 and kissed him goodmorning
i brushed my teeth and threw on my undies
(maybe it was the reverse order)
i got back in bed and he woke up
we said our happy easters
touching his face
i couldnt help but kiss him
we rolled under endless white sheets
making out and rediscovering eachothers bodies
making love with him is like no other
its like he knows everthing that turns me on
makes me urge and want him more
it was intense
after we showered
i kissed him goodbye
and he was gone
i put on some death cab and crawled back into bed and slept a few more
hours away
we ended up getting together at my grandmas
i just wanted to hang with linna
and just lay in bed and get stoned and listen to bright eyes
or some elliot smith
have coffee and some 27's
my mom begged me to just stick around with the family
so i did
no arguing
i just succumbed
to my surprise
it wasnt that bad
alot of my family was interested in what i had been up to
i ate a bit
then around 8 i went home and opened up the new bottle of wine
poured myself a glass and put on the dresdon dolls dvd
javi picked me up and we went to meet aubri and her chick friend at oasis
i finished the bottle on the way and we got inside
it was dead so we sat at a table
slowly it filled up
then aubri got there and we laughed and talked shit about all the disgusting fags
its kinda sad that the place was filled up with all these guys that think they are sooo hawt
they all have this cocky attitude that makes me wanna just walk up and ask them
if they really think they are that adorable
it was basically a fuckin joke
we sat there and laughed the whole night
mostly at everybody elses expenses
i felt sorta sad for all those guys who live to go to clubs and scam on guys
i could never be that way
on the way out i saw this guy that i thought i loved once
he was alot older and i was young and blissful
i believed everything he told me until i found out he had a boyfriend the whole time we dated
he noticed me in the crowd
his eyes lit up and he came over to me and hugged me close and whispered in my
ear how much he missed me and still loved me
it felt nice but im not stupid
he asked me if he could have my new number and
i told him no
he kissed my neck and i just left
left him there in the middle of the parting crowd
javi and aubri and some other gays went to a new spot
then it was off to javis
where i had a beer and a few shots
i was already fucked up from the wine
i got home at four and crawled into bed
i woke up today and threw on whatever and drove to school cause i had to finish my homework
i couldnt do it though
it almost impossible
fuck
i cried from frustration
i need some beer
i wish i was just in bed drunk
i wont get home till
ten thirty
this is my life
now
this is me
now

well i guess im officially back on livejournal.
ive been gone for many months and i cant get on myspace from my schools
computers so i remembered my good friend live journal.
how have you all been?
ive been well
just work and school
and alcohol
lots and lots of alcohol
i am single too
i hate it
i miss having someone to call my own
what have you all been up to?
gosh well i guess im out for today
gotta get home and be lonely
sweet

omg i finally beat zelda yesterday. this is a pic of how i want my hair. i am in love with his hair style. im growing out my hair and while playing yesterday i totally realized that he has the hair im going for. so yeah.
im just here being blah in class listening to azure ray. wow i cant believe conor has luekemia! omg thats sad. hmm that explains alot cause i always that he was sooo hawt but he looked somewhat sick. and it reminded me of the way my cousin looked when she had luekemia as well. he'll be back to normal soon. i think there is hope that i might graduate. im stoked. yep. i have to ace that fuckin test tho manana. i want in and out sooo bad. oh shit i love this song. these songs are are sooo sad sounding even tho they arent supposed to be. lol. yep so i have a shitload of work to do after school. i think im gonna get a trim today. the back of my head has all these long curly hairs that get on my nerves. im glad linna and i are back on good terms. im soo done with school. i had the hardest time waking up this morning. coldplay is out today. i heard it last night. i love it soo much. yep well thats about it sooo i guess i will talk later. <3

so use me up
then throw me away
build your careers and friend ships.

-- Name: erik
-- Birthdate: April 11 1987.
-- Birthplace: loma linda.
-- Current Location: Colton, Ca.
-- Eye Color: Hazel.
-- Hair Color: sandy brown/blond w/ platinum streaks .
--zodiac Sign: Aries.

-----------------DESCRIBE------------------
-- Your heritage: mexican/indian/spanish.
-- The shoes you wore today: bleached cons.
-- Your weakness: My hormones.
-- Your fears: Being really deep in the ocean/being alone.
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: moving out.
-----------------WHAT IS------------------
-- Your most overused phrase: Cuuute!,This bitch/one,NO worries.
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "I need more sleep/grilled cheese animal style w/ animal fries"
-- The first feature you notice in the same sex: Hair/hipbones.
-- Your best physical feature: dunno.
-- Your bedtime: 1 or 2-ish.
-- Your greatest accomplishment: cumming without any penis contact!.
-- Your most missed memory: Budlight,linna, fast driving, rilo kiley!
-----------------DO YOU------------------
-- Smoke: 27's baby.
-- Cuss: fuck ya!
-- Take a shower everyday: no.
-- Have a crush(es): Yes.
-- Who are they: abe.
-- Do you think you've been in love?: Yes.
-- Like high school: dear gawd no.
-- Want to get married: Yes.
-- Believe in yourself: yeah.
-- Get motion sickness: nope.
-- Think you're attractive: ehhh.
-- Think you're a health freak: nope.
-- Get along with your parents: depends.
-- Like thunderstorms: Yes.
-- Play an instrument: Yes.

------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID:/:HAVE YOU--------------
-- Drank alcohol: Yes.
-- Smoke(d): Yes.
-- Done a drug: Yes.
-- Made Out: Yes.
-- Go on a date: yep.
-- Go to the mall: Yes.
-- Been on stage: no.
-- Been dumped: no.
-- Gone skating: Yes.
-- Been in love: Yes.
-- Dyed your hair: no.
-- Stolen anything: Yes.



-----------------Same SEX------------------
-- Best eye color: Green/Blue.
-- Best hair color: dark brown or light brown with tons of platinum.
-- Short or long hair: messy and bangs or messy short.
-- Best height: 5'8.
-- Best first date location: Loma linda Park/barnes and noble.
-- Best first kiss location: Maybe at a really good show
-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------
-- Number of girlfriends/boyfriend you've had: 6.
-- Number of kisses you've given:I love kissing(alot)
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 5
-- Number of CDs that I own: about alot.
-- Number of piercings: 4 soon to be 6.
-- Number of tattoos: 1, soon to be alot.
-- Number of scars on my body: a r0w of 8 and a row of like 30. lol. soo emo!
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: 1

----------------FAVORITES------------------
-- Fav Color: black and lilac.
-- Day/Night: Night.
-- Summer/Winter: Winter.
-- Fav. Cartoon Character: enid from ghost world
-- Fav. Food: Pizza and beer
-- Fav. Movies: closer,AI,matrix,donnie darko,alot more...
-- Fav. sport: None.

----------------RIGHT NOW------------------
-- Wearing: horrorpops shirts same ol guess jeans
-- Drinking: spit
-- Thinking about: developing my pics
-- Listening to: Stars(heart)
---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------
-- Cried: no.
-- Worn jeans: Yes.
-- Talked on the phone: Yes, (david,linna,raul)

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------
-- Yourself: Sometimes.
-- Your friends: yep
-- Destiny/Fate: Yep
-- Ghosts: Yes.
-- UFO's: Maybe.

--------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
-- Do you ever wish you had another name?: Yep,pheonix tyler
-- Do you like anyone?: Yes.
-- Who have you known the longest of your friends?: linna
-- Are you close to any family member?: My grandma.
-- Who do you hang around the most?: david and myself
-- When have you cried the most: found out i was cheated on.
-- What's the best feeling in the world?: being drunk/going to shows
-- Worst Feeling?: Being alone.

Gawd Im sooo fuckin bored! I was super stressed last night cause i still dont know if im gonna graduate but i feel like im trying my best tho. i think i got an A on my final essay for the class. The last thing i can do is ace my final test. i really dont give a fuck tho. i just wanna get out of this fuckin place. this has been the worst 4 years of my fuckin life. This is no offense to my friends that ive made so dont even go there. i love all you guys. its the other 99 percent of posers,losers and retarted fucks that i hate. i hate soo much. i hate alot of things. i hate that im confused about life and i dont know anything anymore. life isnt simple. thats fucked. i miss linna. i miss raul. i only have one person i really feel that i truely love and really is my friend i can trust. that is the worst feeling. thats my worst fear is being alone. alot of the time i feel alone. i can't relate to most of the population. that blows either i feel that im too gay or not gay enough. but fuck it. i really dont give a fuck. i guess im on a roll now so i cant stop now. lol. i think im ugly i hate my hair. i wish i had abs. i wish i was lighter. i hate tans (on me). i guess theres really nothing i can do about it all. i guess thats where my "fuck it" attitude is derived. :)! im getting bored. i knew that it would happen. i felt bad i really did. maybe its just all the circumstances. I love you. i promise. i do. i swear to god. I just dont know what the fuck i want. FUckkkkkkkkkkkkkk! FUCk FUck FuCK FUCk FUck! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im just fucked. im listening to the new rocket summer. it makes me happy. his voice is sooo sexy. and his lyrics make me cry. i love to cry to songs. i think thats sooo fuckin amazing that someone elses feelings can be conveyed through me. thats awesome. I need some friends that dont annoy me or i can just be cool with. i have a few of those but we dont really hang out. Not to put anyone on blast but i love janae. i think you are such an amazing person. i love that you make me laugh just by looking at you. you totally get my sense of humor. your to fuckin much. i love it. i think you are a very good friend. :)! vanessa too. i love vanessa. thanks for letting me hawk your hair last night. i loved it with a passsion of christ. yep i think i feel now.... fuck it.

we dove into the ocean
hand in hand
blissful kiss
deeper past bone and coral dismiss
clouds overhead as the sun said goodbye
into the waters whirlpooled sad eye
you said you love
i said i do
together in darkness
just me and you.
sinking your teeth with promises new
pinned to the floor
clothes off
let me be inside
fuck with passion
fuck with passion
just give in to my darkness
let in come in
just give in to my darkness
you'll never win

Hey yall just here in class. im super bored. i am sooo fuckin addicted to the legend of zelda: the windwaker. i seriously cant wait to go home and play. the game is like never ending so i feel that i will be playin this for awhile. im still kinda stressed cause i still dont know if im gonna graduate,
that sux. it all depends on my final for POD. ewww . that fuckin blows ass hole. i love my cowboy boots. they are super cute. i love em. my mae and jamisonparker shirts are pretty sweet tambien. i feel like listening to vagtown when i get home. i might hang out with my old friend rick. i think raul sadie and linna are back from vegas. i should call them and see if we are still friends. lol. whateva. i dont give a fuck.lol. david bought me the guide for the windwaker last night. hs tooo much. i cant wait till school is over. well thats about it for me at the moment. ttyl. <3

Hey wetbacks, just here in rain dogs class. im sooo fuckin bored yeh sooo im just waiting to get out of class and i thought i would spill my guts. im soooo hungry. ive been super bored and lonely but i guess thats the life of someone who doesnt want to hurt the people around him. i can't help anything. im not really confused anymore cause i know that i need to do this and get all my shit together. im sorry. i really am i hate hurting and hurting others i really do. I used to think it was cheesy and i would roll my eyes when i would hear people say that they were not supposed to be happy or love anyone in this life but i kind of relate sometimes. i just dont get why im soo stupid or why i cant make everyone happy. i wish i could even though i obviously know that i cant. yeah so im going to oasis with javi tonight. i hope i have a grand old time. i need some beer and some 27's. okay well just want to tell you all i love you. ttys. <3 erik

you wait up for me I don't wake up for you
would you like the company or are you sick of me
when your love lets you go you only want love more
even when love wasn't what you were looking for
speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah
where do we go...ah ah, where do we gooooo

you break down an plead your case I don't know what to say
I leave my heart all this pain and now I'm at it all again
on these streets that I leave for weeks on end who's to blame
when you want love doesn't matter what you're looking for
speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah
where do we go... ah ah, where do we go... ah ah
speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah
where do we go... ah ah, where do we goooooo

speak slow!

i'm so far away and I just can't see you I'm
so far along and I just don't need you
I am so ah-alone, so ah-alone i am so ah-alone, so ah-alone
i'm so far away and I just can't see you I'm
so far along and I just don't need you
I am so ah-alone, so ah-alone i am so ah-alone, so ah-alone

when your love lets you go you only want love more
even when love wasn't what you were looking for
when your love lets you go you only want love more
even when love wasn't what you were looking for

speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah
where do we go... ah ah, where do we go... ah ah
speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah
where do we go... ah ah, where do we goooooo

speak slow!
speak slow!

This Bitch!
Tell me that i randomly put in livejournal in the school web thing and it worked for some fuckin reason. it never ever works anymore since they blocked it. lol. yah. sucks cause i broke up with my boyfried because over the weekend i did some shit that you shouldnt do when you have a boyfriend. and i was really confused with my ex and my feelings and my life and i felt that i didnt have control over anything anymore
so i felt that i should break up with him and save him the pain of me fucking up on him again in the future. Im just trying not to think about it too much cause it sorta makes me sick to think of it all. i need some beer. beer solves all my problems. Wow over the weekend I heard this rumor about two boys that hung out and one was wasted and they went to a kickback and they didnt like it soooo they left and grabbed something to eat and made out all in between. lol. too much. Yeh sooo now that im offically confused i hope i figure out what i want and what to do. I also have an extra mae ticket it unfortunately seems and i have to find someone to go with me that actually likes mae. hmmm okay yeh i guess thats about it for my next chapter. lol. i have to talk to you javi. ill call you tonight. adios <3 <3 <3 <3

yep howdy, im here at school being effin bored. i fuckin hate school. life since rilo kiley on thursday has been amazing. over the weekend ive been in such a good mood. and me and david have been super amazing. I love him sooo much. saturday i picked him up and we went to get my rilo pix developed at wal mart and we saw this ugly gay dude that david said he didnt like. i thought that was funny. then we went back home and he made beautiful love to me as we listened to the live at fingerprints ep on repeat. lol. i love it. somebody elses clothes is sooo fuckin amazing. Then we took a shower and went back to wal mart and i stole my pictures. damn i wish i had my digi cam. my pictures would have been sooo much better but im still glad. i had a life changing experience. then we went to eat at taco bell which im obsessed with their 7 layer burrito. i loved how these ghetto black people were all staring and whispering cause me and david walked in holding hands. i just gave them the dirtiest look and i was all "well id rather be fuckin gay then black"! i didnt say that outloud but if i had a gun i would have. i know david could have taken them. he was in the navy and all. lol. then we went to the mall and david bought some hott ass shorts and some "bell bottomed" jeans. lol. i want an electric accoustic sooo bad. ive been playing alot of zelda. im soo caught up. must save girl!!!!! yeah then we went back to his house and i started to make love to him but he had a phone call and we stopped. lol. no worries. i was sooo full. i felt all bloated and what not. yesterday was awesome. i went to church and prayed. i didnt tell him what i prayed for tho. i prayed that we would be together for awhile and just continue to make each other happy and just have a good relationship. yep then he came over and we went to bj's and it was awesome. especially cause we walked out on the bill. then we got some smirnoff and i bought david a cute plant and we named him jorge conor sierra martinez. then we got a little buzz and saw kung fu hustle. after that we went back to his place and did the nasty. it was good. our streak of cumming together ended but it was still sweet. then i went home and worked on my report for english and watched that cute movie where rosie o donell plays a mentally retared girl. it was cute and super sad and made me sob. then i called david and we talked till midnight and i went to sleep. so that was my awesome weekend. i just cant get over how amazing this relationship with david is. its like were best friends cause we can get drunk together and laugh about stupid shit and i can fart and burp and im just totally comfortable. i love it. yep four more weeks till the mae show. sweet. <3

+++HOw cutE+++

Aww daVID SENT me this picture today that he drew last night of us at the good life show on sunday. He drew it cause we totally forgot to take on of us at the show. lol. i love it. I love the pictures i took. i got some good ones of tim and stefanie and the rest of the band. i tHINk MY pictures Will Be doNE in another day or two which will be just in time for rilo kiley. which im super stoked about. omg i cant remember being this excited about anything except the last time i saw them in october with tilly and the wall. Sweet i think tilly is playing in june oh and bright eyes is in june too. sweet. this year is sooo awesome for shows. I just got to school right now since seniors didnt have to be here till 11 or so id like to believe. im mad horny. i think davids taking me out to get coffee tonight. i saw kurt yesterday and my old friend stevie. i miss the latter. i think im doing better in school. i need to graduate. im gonna try to change my default pic on this bitch.ernestine, when are we gonna have our threesome with your bf!?! hmmm okay thats about it. oh and it seems that my new name is erika. lol. jk. i love you javi. <3

++++ConSAfos++++

Life is good!

I saw the good life and consafos last night.
i went with david and linna and my friend sadie and mikey. ME and david and linna drank a bunch of 40's so we were feeling sooo good. the show was amazing. tim was super hott and drunk and he put on the best show. we got to talk to him before the show when he first got there and he was sooo cool and i showed him my tattoo of the novena cover and he was all honored he said. i thought that was cool.The good life played such a radical set. they played davids favorite song. i bought a few cute shirts and the consafos cd. im super tired. my eyes hurt sooo bad. Omg i cant wait. 3 more days till i get to see rilo kiley. i need to find someone thats goin so we can meet up. yes. fuck yeah. well yeah thats about it for now. peace <3

HOwdy y'all just here at school. things are goin alright. nothing new with me just trying to do good in school so that i can graduate. i found this cute anime pic of this dude above. yep. im bored. im happy cause i saw the rilo kiley video for the frug. i need to find a job soon. i cant wait till june. yep well thats about it for me. <3



yep those are two men!

Holla

Just here in my english class and im pretty stoked cause im gonna be out of here in 20 minutes which is just enough time to write a blog. Hmmm this weekend was ultra hip cause my parents were out of town and david was over all the time and we got drunk on thursday after we saw sin city (which i loved) and we had a good time. Then i skipped school on friday and david and i went out shopping and to eat breakfast then later that day we went to go see amittyville which was soo fuckin scary i had to have david hug me and hold my hand. lol. all the bitches in that joint were screaming and flying out of their seats. Then on saturday we woke up cause david had to go to work so i made us breakfast and i drove him to work and i came back home to take a shower and got dressed and went to see linna for the first time in weeks and so we decided to go out to eat and so we went out to bjs and then she my friend kandace's band Hearts across atlantis was gonna play at this coffee shop in hollywood so we went to go pick up my friends chris and erik and we went to the show which included me and linna screamin out rilo kiley and bright eyes and saves the day songs at the top of our drunk lungs. lol. good times. the show was swell and afterwards kandaces mom paid for all of us to go eat at mels diner where the bass player and i had a good conversation about music and i found out he was bi and when kandace told him i was gay he was all on my jock the whole night. especially when we left and went back to kandaces. He kept askin me to fuck him and even tho i was mad horny i told him no cause i couldnt do that to david. I would be such a dumbfuck for screwin up what i have with him. so i went home and called david and sorta got sad cause he was supposed to spend the night again but he was kinda mad cause he thought i just went to the show with out letting him know what my plans were soo he went out with his sister in law and got drunk and when i explained that i had been trying to call him all day and his phone was busy he forgave me and wanted to come over but he was soo drunk that i didnt want him to try to drive cause hes not used to drinkin and drivin like me. lol. so we talked a few hours and went to bed. yesterday he took me to borders and i bought some new cds like The Explosion and BEep BEep and Iron and wine. I also bought buffalo 66. AFter that he took me to bjs and we met glenda the dorky waitress. Then he totally surprised me and took me to santa monica and we were freezing so he bought us some cute puma jackets. then we walked the pier and we came home. i had a good weekend. I feel like shit Javi I swear. I promise i will make it up. i promise. i had no comp to email you or check my mail. dont be mad. pweese. im callin ur ass today. <3

omg how hawt!

hey all just here in my print class bored as fuck. yep i sooo got my tat last night. i love it with a passion of christ. its sooo awesome. my mom took some pix of it but she hasnt sent them to my email yet so i will probably do that shit when i get home. it looks all fake and ugly right now but i know its gonna look awesome when it heals. im soo rockin out to some old skool saves the day when they were still called sefler. i love it, its all agnsty punk its amazing. fuck im soooo happy right now. david brought me this bag of condoms that his sister got from planned parenthood. i am sooo stocked up for a good 2 months. yeah my mom and dad and my little sister are gone as of this morning and they arent coming back till monday. i wanna go to tigerheat tonight. and i think after sckool im gonna go see sin city since amityville doesnt come out till manana. omg i totally forgot that i ordered two cds and they came in last night. I bought the paperchase and the godspeed cds. they are amazing i highly recommend them both. okay hmm well thats about it for now. <3

Holla hey im here in my sixth period bored as fuck cause i wanna go home to hang out with david. oh yeah my mom and dad and my little sister are going out of town for the week and they are leaving me at home. sweet im gonna be drunk the whole time. OH man i totally chopped all of my hair off. I was just sooo fuckin tired of looking like everyone else and im sick of being catorgorized as something. why cant i just be me. whatever i sound corny now. yep the picture above is of me and my boyfriend david. ya i know hes not the hottest twink in the world but im sick of all the fuck a hott boy and be in a jealous doomed relationship bullshit. looks dont get you anywhere. they get you lies and jealousy and cheating. He treats me sooo amazing and i know i love him. i think its hard cause i know ive been trying to love nothing. i hear that if you can accomplish that, you are then set free from all the cruel shit of this world. its a form of meditation i believe. anyway i like him alot and he makes me happy and takes away my lonliness. lol. no worries. so yeah im 18 now. i went to an s&m titty bar that was pretty sweet. ok yeah i hate school. hmmmm gosh im bored. I wanna hang out with you javi. fuck when are we gonna hang out????? holla at me playa. lol. hmmmm okay yeah. i need some 27's. yes i bought some new movies yesterday. Ghost world, spun, AI and requiem for a dream. i love all those movies. i think im getting my tat soon. fuck i cant wait anymore i want it soooo bad. fuck. i need sex. i wanna fuck. soooo horny. just want to be touched. licked. yumm. okay well im droning on and on and on. okay well im going cause the bell will ring soon. ttys. <3

Hey sorry its been sooo long since ive been around but ive been going through this little phase where i just wanna be alone and what not but im pulling through. yep im probably getting my tat soon cause my b day is on monday and im getting my lip pierced. yep david is my boyfriedn now so thats going sooo good cause he totally cut his ex out completely so i havent been pissed or stressed. yep im good. cant wait to be 18 ciggarettes and maybe a new porno vid for my new dvd player. i also got this really cute mp3 player, i love it mucho. its soo tiny and sweet. okey dokey. well thats about it for me. oh javi i soo need to call you and im sorry that i havent called you back yet my phone line got fucked up and we had to get it rewired so i will call you asap. lol. okay well im gonna head to my room and pull out the vodka and get drunk and watch electra. later. <3